The Menno News Movie Reviews By Gertrude |
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Star Wars Episode
2- Attack of the Clones
Now, I didn't actually see this Star Wars, but my friend Evelyn,
she told me that her grandson had seen it. I guess he started talking about
spaceships, guns, light swords and heaven knows what else. Evelyn said that
there was an evil man and you couldn't really see his face for the entire
movie. What kind of actor doesn't show his face for the entire movie?
If you asked me, any movie with the word "war" in the title
isn't appropriate. I lost my brother over in Russia during WWII. Well, he
didn't die while fighting, but he was wounded something awful. His arm, that's
were he got wounded, ached when it got humid outside. He died of a heart attack
a few years ago. I guess that the heart attack wasn't from the war, but he
complained about that arm of his until the day he died. Anyway, I didn't like
the way Evelyn's grandson was talking about all the shooting and fighting
so I don't recommend Star Wars at all. But I will give it 1 out of 5 zweibach
because Evelyn brought me a nice cherry platz when she came to visit.
/ 5
Love Actually
I haven't been able to see Love Actually since it was released, but
I got to talking to Linda, the church pianist, whose daughter went to see
it. We were talking about how cold it was in the church that day. Sometimes
it's so cold that I don't ever feel like taking off my coat, but what kind
of faithful church goer wears a coat during the service? Anyway, Linda mentioned
that her daughter watched the movie with her boyfriend, Jeff. I asked Linda
who else went with them. Would you believe that they went alone? Imagine that!
Two young people going to the show alone. Why in my day I couldn't even date
until I was 20 and even then the boy could only visit me at the house. Nowadays,
boys and girls are driving here and there together like it was some kind of
love parade. They say on the TV that Love Actually is some kind of "romantic
comedy". I don't think two young kids watching a movie in a dark theatre
is funny at all. That's why I'm giving it 0 out of 5 zweibach. If this is
the kind of movie that gives kids the idea that they can start necking in
the aisles, then I don't want any part of it.
Rated:
/ 5
Pirates of the Caribbean
I can't say I've seen the movie just yet, but I read the ad in the
newspaper. My husband, Henry and I, we always sit down and read the paper
after breakfast. Usually, Henry eats two pieces of toast and drinks a glass
of grapefruit juice. But today, he asked if he could have one piece instead.
Well I just don't understand that. Ever since we were married Henry has always
had two pieces of toast with grapefruit juice. I tried telling him that but
he went on about his stomach not feeling proper. So there I was standing there
with this extra piece of toast in my hand. I asked Henry just what was I supposed
to do with it. Well, do you know what Henry said? He said that I should eat
it for him. Imagine that! I told Henry that I was the one who always had just
one piece of toast with grapefruit juice, even before we were married. Well,
I couldn't let a good piece of toast go to waste so I wrapped it in tinfoil
and put it in the fridge for later. I told Henry frankly that he could just
eat it tomorrow when he was feeling better. Henry got all fussy after that.
I just don't understand that Henry sometimes.
Rated: 
/ 5
Austin Powers 2: The Spy
That Shagged Me
I've been pretty busy lately, so I haven't been around to see this
movie yet. Henry, my husband of 53 years was driving me to the hospital for my
monthly blood pressure check and we drove past the theatre where it was
playing. Henry, he's an excellent driver:
drives five kilometres below the speed limit so he can stop safer. Henry
and I always stop for coffee at McDonald's on the way back home. The coffee is
cheaper for seniors, I bet you didn't know that.
Anyways, going by the title, I'm so glad that shag carpets are coming
back again. I remember going to Hilda's house for vreine. Hilda, she has this
beautiful orange shag carpet in her living room that matches the wallpaper.
But I don't think Hilda vacuums all that much. While I was visiting, I wiped
my finger on her coffee table and noticed it was covered in dust. Imagine
that! So I politely told Hilda that she should take better care of her home
for when company comes over. Well, Hilda got all fussy like I said something
wrong. I was just helping her to keep things in order. Thank goodness I didn't
tell her about the crooked doormat.
Rated: / 5
Saving Private Ryan
I heard about this movie while I was talking to Helga after church.
Helga is John Warkentin’s older sister.
Not the John Warkentin that lives in town mind you, but the one who
farms soybeans out on the 8th Concession.
Remember John? He was an usher in church about 20 years back.
If you don’t believe me, I have the old church bulletins to prove it.
Anyway, Helga was telling me that her grandson, Matthew got all sick from
watching the movie because it’s real jerky.
I got sick one time when my husband Henry and I were still courting. Henry was driving me home in his car and came
to a bend in the road. Well, Henry
didn’t bother to slow down and took the bend at 30 kilometres an hour. Imagine that! I felt so sick to my stomach from going that fast that I told Henry
to stop the car. I got out and started
to walk the rest of the way home. Well,
Henry got all funny and asked me what I was doing. I told him that if wants
to keep driving like a maniac than he should just do it without me.
Rated: / 5
Obviously, Gertrude is a
bit behind.
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