Who Was Menno?
What makes a Mennonite a Menno? Is it adult baptism? Is it a commitment
to pacifism? Or is it the secret knowledge that the zwieback is no ordinary
bun? We here at the Menno News believe that all Mennos should have a deep
understanding of their roots (eating borscht just isn’t good enough). And
to make it easier, we’ve done the research for you. Every fact here has been
taken from legitimate, trusted sources that we can’t seem to remember anymore.
[Serious Fact] By definition, MENNONITES form a religious
community that follows the teachings of Menno Simons. Menno Simons was originally
ordained as a Roman Catholic priest in 1524. However, growing doubts over
many church beliefs led Menno to examine the writings of Martin Luther. Menno
left the Catholic church soon after. In 1537, Menno became a preacher. Menno
believed in baptizing only those who openly declared their faith in Christ
(believer’s baptism). In addition, he viewed military service and killing
as unlawful, as well as the taking of oaths and holding public office. He
also taught that prayer should be performed in silence.
What is hardly mentioned is Menno's role outside of religion
For instance, Menno helped ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL invent the telephone. While working on the telegraph, his first invention, Bell invited Menno over to fix his plough harness. While there, Menno remarked how Graham’s telegraph was very similar to his own invention, the “tele-fon”, which consisted of two cowbells strung together with chicken wire. The two decided to work together and in 1876, the first sentence was broadcast: “Menno, come here; I want you.” Later, Bell’s jealous stable boy Watson would claim that the sentence was really about him.
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Menno's early telephone
Before the telephone, Menno traveled to Greece to visit his distant cousin Henry in Athens. While touring the countryside, he met a young Greek mathematician named PYTHAGORAS. Pythagoras also lived as a farmer and was busy building a barn for his oxen. The mathematician explained to Menno that his barn design did not seem strong enough. Menno suggested adding triangular braces to the barn walls. Pythagoras agreed, but found it difficult to measure out the pieces. Menno recalled that his uncle Jacob from Friesland once told him that the square of the hypotenuse of a barn brace is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two barn walls. The Pythagorean theorem was born.
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The Pythagorean Theorem: all thanks to Uncle Jacob
Back in Deutschland, Menno was also well known as a generous toy maker. Around Christmas, Menno would set off in his sleigh in the night and ride throughout his village. At each house, Menno would leave behind a “toy” for each child: usually a hammer for the boys and a wooden spoon for the girls. Menno normally dropped the toys down the chimney while he inspected the shingles for water damage [Menno was also the town roofer]. When Menno left on missionary work his cousin, SANTA KLASSEN took over. To this day, children mistakenly believe that it was Santa, and not Menno, who was the original jolly old elf. The tooth fairy is still being questioned.
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Menno and Santa Claus. Coincidence? We think not.
References
Bell, Alexander Graham. Menno Did It: My Autobiography. Canadian Journal of the Cow Bell, 1986
Dreidger, M.J. Menno Math: The Science of Barn-Raising. Barns, Barns and More Barns, 1991.
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