Zweibach: A Technical Analysis

By Jamieson Graham

Menno News Architectural Correspondent

zwie•bach (noun, zwi‚bak, -bäk) An egg bread, often sweetened, that is baked, sliced and dried, then baked again until crisp. [1890–95, Amer.; < G: twice-baked = zwie twice + back, der. of backen to bake. See TWI-, BAKE; cf. BISCUIT]

What is a zweibach? How does a zweibach take shape? Why is it the way it is? Since a zwiebach has never been successfully photographed (similar in this way to vampires), I will attempt to answer some of your questions with the aid of diagrams.

1.0 The Process of Ingestion

Figure 1.0

As we can see through Figure 1.0, the zwiebach is a dual-bun design, fused together in a Siamese connection. The upper bun, (the bun closest to heaven) is named the Secondary Bun. The lower bun, (the bun closest to hell) is called the Primary Cradle Bun.

Before ingestion, the Primary & Secondary buns are severed by the participant, at the "plate line" (see Figure 2.0) creating in actuality, two separate buns. The participant then selects one of the many toppings for the zwiebach. [see TABLE A at end of article]

Nearing the end of the process now, one of the two fractured zwiebach components are selected for ingestion. This is not an easy process. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. [see TABLE B at end of article]

Figure 2.0

2.0 The Shape and Structure

There is little known about the zwiebach construction process. From what I can see, the hardest part must be the creation of the plate line [Figure 2.0]. One theory is that it is black magic. A more substantial theory states that it is "primarily the result of tremendous heat and pressure over a very long period of time". A combination of compression created through baking by the Oma and tension produced by the ingester creates the shape seen in Figure 3.0.

Figure 3.0

3.0 Application to Real Life

The zwiebach design has been used by architects and designers for millions of years. Some have used it as an example of form, while others have used it for its function. Here are a few obvious examples:

TABLE A

Feasible Zweibach Toppings

Butter, Margarine, Jam, Peanut butter, Honey, Cheese, Cottage Cheese, Bananas, Smack

TABLE B

Zweiback Bun Characteristics
PRIMARY CRADLE BUN	SECONDARY BUN
The favourite food of Opas for generations. It is a very efficient design. The concave cross-section allows the pooling of large amounts of toppings, while the pan induced crust maintains structural stability. This allows the Opa to maintain control of the tractor with his left hand, while eating the “Primary" with his right. The downside of the Primary Bun is that a strong "tooth to roof" glue is needed to keep the dentures in place because of the hard crust.	Considered by Omas to be the best part of a zwiebach. The amazing part about this component is that it never actually touches the baking pan. The dough is therefore generally softer in the Secondary Bun. This also has great disadvantages: the convex shape unfortunately allows only a minimum of topping.

Are you an expert in Zweibachology?

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