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1.
You have more quilts than beds.
2.
You have a relative named Helga.
3.
You can tell the difference between pig manure and cow manure.
4.
You constantly have to explain to others that you're not
Amish.
5.
You can trace your family tree at least six ways to the same
immigrant.
6.
You didn't wear new clothes until you were twelve.
7.
Your big family gets together on holidays or when someone buys a new tractor.
8.
You think its fine to buy a Nintendo, as long as it's the older model.
9.
You know that Anabaptist was not the wife of John the Baptist.
10.
You think that a trailer hitch would make a nice wedding
gift.
NEW! Top
Ten Mennonite Bumper Stickers
1.
Honk
if you like verenike
2.
If
you don't like the way I drive, get off the corn field
3.
DARE!
To keep kids off dancing
4.
My
other car is a planter
5.
Eat
my dust - it came off my farm anyway
6.
M.A.D.D. - Mennos Against
Driving A Diesel
7.
My child and my money
go to
8.
Buns
don't kill people, people kill people
9.
Bake sale on board
10.
If
the buggy is swayin', I'm in here a prayin'
NEW! Top
Ten Mennonite Movie Titles
1.
The
Godfarmer
2.
No
Toy Story
3.
Days of Gunther
4.
From
Prussia With Loewen
5.
Indiana
John and the Remple of Doom
6.
Dirty,
Dirty, Dirty Dancing
7.
The Germanator
8.
Fertile
Attraction
9.
Schmidtless
in Seattle
10.
Goshen's
Eleven
Top Ten Mennonite Games
1.
Name that hymn
2.
First, second or third cousin?
3.
Who’s buried in what cemetary?
4.
Which John Klassen are you?
5.
What’s in the sausage today?
6.
How tomato loads from that field?
7.
When I was a kid your age
8.
Who came to Canada with less?
9.
Work
10. Who's related to me? (The Mennonite Game)
Perfectly
Acceptable Dick Phrases
1.
I’m married to a Dick.
2.
You must get your looks from the Dick side of the
family.
3.
Dick family portrait.
4.
We’re having the Dicks for supper.
5.
Grandpa Dick
6.
I sat beside some dicks in church today.
7.
You look like a Dick.
8.
It’s not Dick, it’s Dyck.
9.
Her mother was a Dick.
10.
Harry Dick / Anita Dick
Top Ten Amish Pickup Lines
1.
You can really till my fields.
2.
My, you look ravishing in that shapeless black dress.
3.
How about you and me churn the butter?
4.
I like a woman who doesn't wear buttons.
5.
Do you come to this grain silo often?
6.
You know, I was reading 1st Corinthians the other
day...
7.
Excuse me, but is that horse manure on your shoes?
8.
Why don't you and I go make some furniture.
9.
Here, let me buy you that wood planer.
10.
Maybe we're not cousins...
Top Ten BAD Amish Pickup Lines
1.
Want to see my camera?
2.
Hey, are those weeds in your field?
3.
Did you catch Jeopardy last night?
4.
Let's
get that bonnet off you.
5.
What's your phone number?
6.
What's it like baking
for me all day?
7.
It's OK, everyone looks
rough at 4 in the morning.
8.
Hey baby, let me taste those gold fillings.
9.
Ever been to Intercourse?
10.
Let's
take a break from all this farmwork...
Commonly Misunderstood Mennonite Phrases
1.
I think he's a dick.
2.
Let's hit the hay.
3.
Was
that guy born in a barn?
4.
I paid ten dollars for that hoe.
5.
I've got a bit of weed growing in my field.
6.
Is that a cucumber in your pocket?
7.
We’ll just invite the immediate family.
8.
I went out with a few dicks in my life.
9.
He's out sowing his oats.
10.
We're practically brothers.
Top Ten Rebel Amish Activities
1.
Photo booths
2.
Wet bonnet contest
3.
Stuff as many guys as you can into a buggy
4.
Goat milk keg party
5.
Shave
6.
Attaching
three horses to the buggy
7.
Shoulder baring
8.
Taunt people with zippers
9.
Sleeping in ‘til 6 am
10.
Checking out girls’ ankles
Top Ten Mennonite Vacation Destinations
1.
Vacation??
2.
The I-75 to Ft. Lauderdale
3.
A short-term voluntary service assignment in Guatemala
4.
Home Hardware
5.
Church conference assembly
6.
The tomato field [to get away from it all]
7.
Tim Horton's [with coupons handy]
8.
The barn
9.
A tour of the John Deere factory
10.
A countrywide trip to discover new relatives
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